Me

I recently had a chat with someone close and I was taken aback by the perception he had of me .I was Miss Goody Two Shoes  who never rebelled,who always did everything right!

Did he not know me ? He probably didnt actually. 

But I have messed up so many times.Does nobody know that? And hey I rebelled ,at least in the way I could.It never amounted to much because

a) I never could afford to rebel.Materially or emotionally.

b) Everytime I rebelled ,it never worked.Something would always fall out and I would be like..Aargh...bad bad bad idea.Never listen to your stupid friends.

I live a quiet,boring life now.I never wanted anything else, I think.Tried the fast lane,didnt work.Not smart enough to fit in with the intellectuals.Not brave enough to say outrageous stuff and fight it out.So I am an outsider there too.Not flaky enough to fit in with the material girls.Too lazy to obsess about my body and exercise and stuff.The list is endless..

So where do I fit in? Where is the me shaped hole in the universe that I can just fall into ? Here?

Right here? Tapping away on my phone,one corner of my mind planning the day's menu,a ear pricked to hear my baby son if he wakes up, a lovely romance waiting on my Kindle.

Actually, right here is right where is I fit in.

And yes I hate reading the news.

Oh and also how self obsessed am I ...

the path that leads nowhere

And I plod on

The path that leads nowhere 

On and on to some 

Tantalising twist or curve

And I sign in relief

Each time

Thinking,"Finally "

But then  when I do reach the bend

I discover 

That it never was the end that I

Sought 

Just another twist 

That told  me my

Endless 

Pointless 

Sojourn was meant only

To go on and on

Useless

Pull down everything
Whittle away at me
With your sharp end of your
Chiselling words

Pull down all my battlements
The fort that I built up all
My life

Pretend to love and care
And confund me again
When you take up your chisel again

Keep telling me that I am useless
And maybe one day when
You ve hit the mark once too often
I shall make way for someone useful

Step away from the uses
That you have defined for me

I know that I am
More than the uses that you think
I should be putting myself to
But every day and every second I do not
Carry that
In my mind

The self assuredness of my self worth
I do not have
Not one bit

Disliked

Like finds like
And I drift
Unlike

Amid the toxic plasma of
My consciousness
Teteering on the edge of
My reality

It mocks at me
What have you gained when
You say you have gained
Yourself

Who are you
If you aren't loved
If you aren't seen
You don't exist
You don't arouse envy
Or inspire popularity

That seems to be my lot
A quiet mouse
That everyone knows
And ignores

Nothing to show the world

Nothing to show the world
Nothing to say to it
I am a blank
My words a blank too
What does it matter if
I jump from the sky or
Dance under a tree

When I hold no attraction
For others, forget myself
What does it matter

One of the scores of the voiceless in the world
Just another mute spectator
Just mute not deaf

I can hear all that you say
I can hear your sarcasm
Your growls and snarls

The third quadrant

Meet dimension 3
that which finds no place between x and y.The third quadrant,the negatives of life,the numbers.
Principle One:
Here the bigger you are,the lesser value you have.
The farther you stray from zero,the focal point where the negative and positive merge,greater is your insignificance.Nobody gives a damn whatever you do.Emotions build up as you zero down
Negatives involve only your brain,the nerve signals,your mind,the sheer power of it.Nobody can hurt you as your mind is blank,void of emotions.Attachments equal to nought.The world is for your intellect and that alone matters.
Materialism-NIL
Emotions-NIL
Life-?????
life life life life life life life
that is the question ,the being and the not being,what does that matter??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Straying out of dimension 3

Sometimes u stray out of dimension 3.
Sometimes your days become materialistic,U start caring,U start feeling....as Dimension 3 ebbs away from you..U feel good inside.a little mellow..a feeling that goes overboard;U feel you can live on smileys,laughter and small talk for ever.U are on now on the giantwheel in ever increasing danger.it starts slowly..u keep smiling.round and round it goes the smile keep widening and suddenly....suddenly it dashes along at breakneck speed flinging you back into Dimension 3.
Dimension 3 is a religion,an unorganised faith.A place everyone knows exists and yet fail to see.a force that controls..a monster you try to flee.Each time u think u ve slipped out of its grasp u turn around to see the flames brushing your back as it swallows you whole.
And yet is Dimension 3 such a bad place?It gives you everything any philosophy,any mode of life promises.Maybe we should all just go home to Dimension 3.